Good Night Jezebel, and Have a Pleasant Tomorrow

After three and a half years at Jezebel, this is my final post. In that time, I wrote 5,990 posts, falling just 10 short of winning a kayak. My departure is bittersweet. On the one hand, I'm excited to stop living like a vampire, waking up to emails detailing how wrong I am about absolutely everything (Note to self:… » 1/13/12 5:30pm 1/13/12 5:30pm

Mitt Romney Unfit for Presidency Because He Speaks French

Batten down the freedom doors and don't even think about downing another French fry, because the Republican party is this close to nominating Reagan-hating liberal Mitt Romney. What's that? All that stuff about keeping government small, but incredibly involved in women's uteruses made you think he's a Republican?… » 1/13/12 12:00pm 1/13/12 12:00pm

Teddy Bear-Holding Children Are the Newest Weapon in the War on Abortion

In the ongoing battle over reproductive rights, Ohio has set itself apart with the absurd props employed in its abortion debates. The state's anti-abortion movement is kind of like the Gallagher of oppressing ladies. This is the place where the legislature was subjected to live ultrasounds of pregnant women and… » 1/13/12 11:00am 1/13/12 11:00am

Awesome Homeless Girl Places in Intel Science Competition

Here's your inspiring story for the day: 17-year-old Samantha Garvey of Long Island moved into a homeless shelter with her family a year ago, but she still managed to become one of 300 semi-finalists for the annual Intel Science Talent Search. Garvey conducted a two and a half year study on aquatic ecosystems, which… » 1/13/12 10:20am 1/13/12 10:20am

France Lets Parents Give Baby Vampire Name

The French are notoriously uptight about what one can and cannot name their baby, but they've decided to let one newborn keep his name, even though his parents heard it on an American show aimed at teenagers. In November Lionel and Blandine Defontaine dubbed their boy "Daemon" after the character Damon on The Vampire… » 1/13/12 9:30am 1/13/12 9:30am

Woman Banned From Beer Contest Because Brewing Requires Balls

Remember how that frat guy gave you some beer out of a keg once, and you promptly declared it "icky" and went back to Smirnoff Ice? Well, apparently some people actually like the taste of beer, and even brew it themselves! We wouldn't know because we're ladies and our dainty tastebuds couldn't possibly handle such a… » 1/12/12 11:58pm 1/12/12 11:58pm

McDonald's Tries to Make Egg McMuffin Catchphrase Happen

McDonald's latest ads have sparked a minor trend on Twitter and Facebook, so don't be surprised if some tool remarks that you're the "Egg McMuffin" of something. Still confused? Basically if someone calls you the "Egg McMuffin of girlfriends," they mean they crave you mainly when they've been drinking too much and… » 1/12/12 11:27pm 1/12/12 11:27pm

FDA Advisers Who Approved Yaz Tied to Drug Companies

Last month, the FDA asked a panel of outside experts whether the blood clot risk for newer birth control pills like Yaz and Yasmin was significant enough to pull the drugs from the market. The panel found that the risk is worth it to prevent pregnancy (which is an even bigger clot risk), but the narrow margin didn't… » 1/12/12 10:28pm 1/12/12 10:28pm

Parks & Rec Cast Shares Their Shocking Hidden Talents

Unless someone smashed your remote control while you were watching CBS and you have a medical condition that restricts your movement, we're guessing you didn't watch the People's Choice Awards. Thankfully, our friends at Buzzfeed captured the best moment. You'd watch the cast of Parks & Rec do anything, so why not… » 1/12/12 9:44pm 1/12/12 9:44pm

In Glorious Backhanded Compliment, Madonna Says Gaga Ripped Off…

There are few things people love more than a good diva-off (see: 10 to 12 episodes of Glee) and Madonna never fails to disappoint. Perhaps you thought the controversy about "Express Yourself" and "Born This Way" sounding like the same damn song was over, but today Madonna revived the feud by calling Lady Gaga's… » 1/12/12 8:02pm 1/12/12 8:02pm

Tina Fey & Questlove End Their Epic Feud

It's hard to find anyone who doesn't love Tina Fey, but recently she found herself in a spat with The Roots. On an episode of Watch What Happens Live, Questlove called her out, saying, "Tina Fey, you are never nice to the Roots. We're from Philadelphia. Be nice to the Roots." In an appearance on Late Night with Jimmy… » 1/12/12 3:50pm 1/12/12 3:50pm

Mississippi Wisely Prevents Governor From Pardoning a Bunch of Murderers

In response to the outrage over Mississippi Governor Haley Barbour pardoning a slew of convicted murderers on his way out of office, the state's corrections commissioner said, "This is just something that happens." Thankfully, officials in the state refuse to accept that there's simply nothing you can do when a… » 1/12/12 1:10pm 1/12/12 1:10pm

Network Makes Feeble Attempt to Remove 'Bitch' From Show Titles

ABC has a problem on its hands. Two new shows premiering next season feature a certain unsavory word in the title: Good Christian Bitches and Don't Trust The Bitch In Apartment 23. It seemed inevitable that the titles would be changed before hitting the air, and this week at the Television Critics Association press… » 1/12/12 11:20am 1/12/12 11:20am

Should This Dog Win an Oscar?

If you need proof that the Academy Awards are meaningless, here you go: There's a dog generating Oscar buzz this year. Uggie, an adorable nine-year-old Jack Russell terrier, steals the show in The Artist and now there's an online campaign to nominate him for an Oscar. Uggie's owner insists he's acting, but that seems… » 1/12/12 9:30am 1/12/12 9:30am

An Inside Look at Brad & Angelina's Oval Office Chat With Obama

Well, well. Look who stopped by the Oval Office today. Supposedly Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie were there to discuss Angie's new movie and violence against civilians in war zones. However, according to some insider information we just made up, that wasn't all they talked about with the President. Read on for an… » 1/11/12 11:44pm 1/11/12 11:44pm

Casey Anthony: Caylee Was the Product of Rape

There's more today from the woman you probably never wanted to hear about again. A week after Casey Anthony's video diary was leaked under mysterious circumstances, she's getting a chance to share her side of the story again, via mental health evaluations conducted during her trial. The doctors' depositions paint… » 1/11/12 10:05pm 1/11/12 10:05pm

America Wants to Know If Romney Has a Big Penis

There was a time when the nation was mildly scandalized by presidential candidate Bill Clinton being asked if he wears boxers or briefs. A lot has changed in the past two decades, and our sensibilities aren't quite as delicate as they once were. Case in point: Yesterday a man called in to C-SPAN (C-SPAN!) and asked » 1/11/12 8:55pm 1/11/12 8:55pm